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I just didn't know how to adapt to this newer, happier, more authentic me.I didn't know how to draw out her creative strengths and work with them because for so long, my art was the furthest from happy as it could be.I was able to keep momentum because I was adapting and growing with myself as I went along.One week I was so ill from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (my connective tissue disorder), I took several portraits in one night to satisfy myself on numbers.I had to change and step out of my comfort zone to keep my momentum and to ultimately make myself proud.When you feel yourself losing grip on the thing that's finally working... You can always keep momentum, but it might not always work the same because we won't always work the same.I used to despair when this would happen and spiral into defeatist thinking, but opening my mind and heart helped me see a new truth.Changing and adapting are key elements to our surviving and thriving as a species, but those two actions are also just as important on much smaller scales.
" when I knew full well "you can't force art" isn't just true for most artists, it was my motto.
I had no faith in myself that first week, but I endured. for no one else but me, just to prove I could and I would.
I fell in love with my new creative process and on December 31st in 2017 I took my 365th self-portrait for the year.
The real secret, which I've really only learned in the past few years, is that being able to keep that intoxicating momentum isn't indefinite or static.
You can hit a wall, feel suffocated by the reality of That Thing No Longer Working, and feel like you've lost it all.